it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
