Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
