I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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