I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
