The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
