btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
