margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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