Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I smell stomach acid.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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