Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
