just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
