Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize