she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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