is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
