Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
