Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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