just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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