Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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