I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
