I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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