you lied. pity sex is amazing.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
