Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
