Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
