I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
