I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Dick very happy bro
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
