I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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