Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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