Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
