i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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