Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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