I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
