I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
