my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
