I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
