I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
