dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
