i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize
