we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
