dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
