Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
