I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
