My hand turned me down
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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