Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize