Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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