sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize