Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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