He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
