Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
