there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
