im about as happy as oj after his trial
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I am full of burrito and curiosity
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
