$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
