You made me cry and you don't even care
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
