he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
