The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
