I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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