He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
