I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I can tuck mytits in my pants
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Moan for me like Helen Keller
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
