Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize