She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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