he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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