ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
