Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
