so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
